A reflection on loss

What is loss?

Loss is something universally understood, and something that every human will experience during the course of their life. Loss occurs many times, uncountable occurrences for any person to comprehend. The sad and sobering reality is that loss is real and a part of life. 

We gain attachment towards others on our journeys, relying on some to be there to guide and support us, but there is an underlying love for one another that many of us might not even notice, and when we do, it comes in fleeting moments of connection with others. In some key moments of our journeys we feel a sense of togetherness, prosperity, and balance; finally, we can tackle obstacles and truly feel with another.

We feel love in a few general ways: familial love, friendships and outer-familial love, and romantic relationships, all of these involve a special connection with another person.

But life always has a way to change your course of time with a significant other, friend or relative, and breaks the path within their life and your own. This is loss. This does not have to be through death, but it can be through conflict, growing apart, sheer misfortune, or just the course of life taking you down different paths. People in relationships are bound to have arguments as they determine their, ultimately independent, futures. We may even have affairs, where the relationship’s legitimateness is to be judged. 

Both the conflicts of our world, and of our own, whether those be conflicts over politics, ideology, greed, or power, are what drive barriers between our relationships with one another, and what take away these moments of collectiveness. 56,000,000 people die on average annually- these are not just numbers, but these are lovers stripped of their other halves, families torn apart, grandparents disappearing from future generations to come, and companions burying their other and putting years of friendship and loyalty in the past. The process of loss involves denial, anger, depression, and acceptance. It reminds us of our fleeting presence on this earth.

Loss, especially in the form of death, is a fundamental part of life. And as it is so impossible and saddening to comprehend, reminding us of the irreversibility of the past and our own mortality, religion can play a fundamental role in attempting to understand and accept it.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 – For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

While some religions view death as the end of the human road, others see it as a cycle, a never-ending loop that continues through the paths of multiple material beings. In Judaism, the loss of a family member is considered by some as a loss to the entire wider community. Seven-day shivas are held so that a family can go through the process of release, and receive emotional support from others. There is also the Kaddish prayer, spoken in mourning of the departed, a way to keep a loved one within you, while still allowing yourself to let go.

However, in karmic faiths such as Buddhism, the endless cycle of life is considered when dealing with loss. Due to karma, an ideology also a fundamental part of Hinduism, Sikhism and Jainism, even a good person might suffer terrible consequences due to unforgivable actions in a previous life.

Nevertheless, all religions teach that loss is not preventable, and can be both the crucial end to life to reach a higher place, and a part of the impermanent and ever changing passage of life (known as ‘Annica’ in Buddhism).

This is why all religions have laws and morals surrounding human interference with mortality. For example, euthanasia is the act of deliberately ending a person’s life to relieve suffering of a patient. Different religions deal with this desire in different ways; but most agree on a major point- that human life should be cherished and prolonged, with the hand of death being that of a deity. 

It is generally agreed upon in religion that death should occur naturally, either to keep the flow of events for an upcoming life, or to have a prolonged life, remaining in the light of God. 

Does this make loss easier for a religious person to come to terms with than someone without religious beliefs? It is fair to say that both those without any religion and those who do believe in a God experience loss, and meet at the same intersection of numbness, anger and sadness. Thus, the cycle of questioning loss begins.

So, what does loss ultimately mean for a person? What toll should we let it have on the human mind? We cannot allow ourselves to hide from it, and the shadow it will cast in our lives.

Personally, writing this reflection on loss and forming all these questions with no answers, sadness has once again invaded my mind. Causing me to remember tears rolling down the cheek, feeling lost and meaningless in this world of ants to the field of the universe.

But I also remember the warm hug of a departed one, the guidance, the lessons taught, and the path that leaves stones for every step taken. I leave the question to you, the reader, ‘Is this a road and destination, or a reach for the horizon; a cycle that never ends?’

Ultimately, we cannot dwell on the loss of a loved one, when we can be in this world for many others who still are there for an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and memories to make and share.

Featured image ‘Golden Sunset’ © Wikimedia commons, author: Timothy Grindall